What Kind of Dater Are You?
As a matchmaker, I spend a lot of time observing people. Not in a creepy way, of course, but after years of helping singles navigate dating in Los Angeles, certain patterns become impossible to ignore.
Some people seem to attract great relationships wherever they go. Others find themselves repeating the same frustrating experiences over and over again. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle.
Over the years, I’ve met every type of dater imaginable. Some are optimistic. Some are exhausted. Some are unintentionally sabotaging their own success. And a few are walking red flags who have absolutely no idea they’re waving them.
If you’re navigating dating in Los Angeles, you’ve probably encountered at least a few of these personalities. You may even recognize yourself in one or two of them.
If you’re curious about some of the common frustrations we see in real dating experiences in LA, you’ll notice many of these patterns show up again and again.
This list is meant to be fun, lighthearted, and maybe a little uncomfortable at times. The goal isn’t to judge. It’s to become more aware of how we show up when we’re dating.
So, what kind of dater are you?
Dating In Los Angeles: The Angry Dater
You carry old wounds into every new relationship.
Maybe it was a painful divorce. Maybe it was a terrible breakup. Maybe you’ve spent years dating people who disappointed you. Whatever the reason, your past is still sitting at the table with you on every first date.
The Angry Dater often talks about how awful men are, how terrible women are, how dating apps ruined everything, or how nobody can be trusted anymore. Even when the conversation starts positively, it somehow circles back to frustration.
The challenge is that people can feel that energy almost immediately. What may feel like self-protection to you can feel like bitterness to someone meeting you for the first time.
One bad relationship doesn’t mean the next one will be the same. The most successful daters I’ve worked with eventually learn how to leave old baggage where it belongs, in the past.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Butthead
You know exactly who you are.
You disappear for days after a great date. You don’t return calls. You leave texts unanswered. You make plans and forget to confirm them. You show up late and act like it isn’t a big deal.
The Butthead isn’t necessarily a bad person. Often they’re charming, attractive, and socially skilled. That’s what makes the behavior even more frustrating.
People around you constantly feel like an afterthought.
You expect courtesy from others, but you don’t consistently extend the same courtesy in return.
Dating doesn’t require perfection, but it does require consideration. A little respect goes a long way.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Awkward Borderline Creepy Dater
You mean well, but social situations feel like navigating a minefield.
Conversations stall. Eye contact becomes uncomfortable. Silences stretch a little too long. Sometimes you say something completely unrelated to the discussion and wonder why the other person looks confused.
Many Awkward Daters are actually kind, intelligent people. Unfortunately, nervousness can sometimes come across as strange behavior.
You might overthink every interaction. You might stare too long. You might not know how to start or continue a conversation naturally.
The good news is that social confidence is a skill. I’ve seen many formerly awkward singles become incredibly successful daters once they learned how to relax and communicate more naturally.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Blame Game Dater
Nothing is ever your fault.
Your ex was the problem. Your boss was the problem. Your parents were the problem. Your last five dates were the problem.
The Blame Game Dater has an explanation for everything and accountability for almost nothing.
Whenever a relationship doesn’t work out, there’s always another reason why someone else failed them. Rarely do they stop and ask what role they may have played.
One reason this pattern becomes so challenging is that growth becomes nearly impossible without self-reflection.
This is one of the real dating behaviors we observe in Los Angeles matchmaking clients from time to time. The people who improve their dating lives the fastest are usually the ones willing to honestly evaluate themselves.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Boring and You Make Me Sleepy Dater
You have a pulse, but somehow the date feels like it needs caffeine.
The Boring Dater isn’t necessarily boring as a person. More often, they’re stuck in a routine and have stopped exploring new experiences.
When someone asks what you’ve been up to lately, the answer is usually some variation of work, errands, Netflix, and sleep.
Conversations feel repetitive because your life feels repetitive.
Interesting people aren’t born interesting. They become interesting because they’re curious. They try new things. They develop hobbies. They pursue experiences worth talking about.
If your dates feel flat, it may be time to add more variety to your life.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Animal Lover Who Treats Her Pets Like Children Dater
You adore your pets.
Not a little. A lot.
Your dog has an Instagram account. Your cat has a birthday party. Your phone contains more photos of your pets than actual people.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with loving animals. In fact, many people find it endearing.
The challenge appears when every conversation eventually returns to your pets, and very little space remains for human connection.
I’ve met wonderful singles who unintentionally built their entire world around their animals. While companionship from pets is meaningful, relationships still require engagement with other people.
Love your pets. Just leave a little room for humans, too.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Classic Biatch
You are demanding, controlling, and rarely satisfied.
You have high standards, which isn’t necessarily a problem. The issue is that nobody ever seems capable of meeting them.
The Classic Biatch tends to criticize more than compliment, complain more than appreciate, and focus more on flaws than strengths.
Servers annoy you. Drivers annoy you. Coworkers annoy you. Dates definitely annoy you.
People often walk away feeling like they’re being evaluated rather than enjoyed.
Confidence is attractive. Constant negativity is not.
The happiest relationships usually involve a healthy amount of gratitude, flexibility, and kindness.
Dating In Los Angeles: The I-Want-Romance-Like-In-The-Movies Dater
You believe every great love story should feel like a Hollywood ending.
You imagine chance encounters, dramatic airport reunions, perfect timing, and instant certainty.
When reality doesn’t match the fantasy, disappointment follows.
The problem isn’t wanting romance. Romance is wonderful.
The problem is expecting real people to behave like fictional characters.
Healthy relationships are usually built through consistency, communication, shared values, and trust. Those things may not make for an exciting movie scene, but they create something far more valuable: a lasting partnership.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Non-Commitment Dater
You want all the benefits of a relationship without actually calling it one.
You spend weekends together. You text constantly. You meet each other’s friends. You act like a couple.
But whenever the conversation turns toward commitment, labels, or plans, you suddenly become uncomfortable.
The Non-Commitment Dater often keeps one foot in and one foot out.
Sometimes it’s fear. Sometimes it’s uncertainty. Sometimes it’s the belief that someone better might be around the corner.
Whatever the reason, staying in relationship limbo rarely creates long-term happiness for either person involved.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Silent Type Dater
You are perfectly pleasant.
You are kind. You are attractive. You are thoughtful.
Unfortunately, nobody knows any of that because you’re giving them almost nothing to work with.
The Silent Type answers questions with one sentence. Sometimes one word.
“How was your week?”
“Good.”
“What do you enjoy doing?”
“Lots of things.”
Meanwhile, your date is carrying the entire conversation and wondering whether you’re interested, nervous, or planning your grocery list.
Most Silent Types aren’t disinterested. They’re simply shy or cautious.
A great conversation doesn’t require being the loudest person in the room. It simply requires giving the other person something to connect with.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Talker or You Might Have Asperger’s Dater
You don’t have conversations. You deliver monologues.
The Talker can turn a simple question into a thirty-minute presentation. Ask how their day was, and suddenly you’re hearing the complete history of their dog, their commute, their childhood dentist, and their thoughts on parking regulations.
The biggest clue isn’t how much you talk. It’s how little curiosity you show about the person sitting across from you.
Dates often leave feeling like they attended a lecture rather than participated in a conversation.
Many people in this category aren’t self-centered. They’re simply nervous, socially unaware, or so focused on what they want to say that they forget dating is a two-way experience.
The best conversations feel like tennis, not a solo performance. Hit the ball back once in a while.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Witty Ballbuster
You never miss an opportunity to make a clever comment.
Everything becomes a joke, a tease, or a challenge.
A date tells a story, and before they finish the first sentence, you’ve already interrupted with a sarcastic remark or witty comeback. You’re quick, entertaining, and often very funny.
For the first ten minutes, people love it.
After an hour, it can feel exhausting.
The Witty Ballbuster often uses humor as armor. Constant teasing creates distance because genuine vulnerability never has a chance to enter the conversation.
A little playful banter creates chemistry. Too much can make dating feel like an endurance sport.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Crazy Look Dater
You walk into a room and immediately attract attention.
The question is whether it’s the kind of attention you want.
The Crazy Look Dater often hides behind an extreme appearance. It may be over-the-top makeup, unusual fashion choices, excessive accessories, or a look that feels disconnected from who they actually are.
Sometimes it’s a confidence issue. Sometimes it’s a desire to stand out. Sometimes it’s simply a habit that has gone unchecked for years.
The surprising part is that underneath the dramatic presentation is often a perfectly attractive person.
I’ve seen people transform their dating lives with a few small adjustments. The goal isn’t to look like everyone else. The goal is to let people see the real you before the costume arrives.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Liar
The truth is good.
You just don’t seem to think it’s good enough.
The Liar isn’t always telling huge lies. More often, they’re exaggerating, embellishing, or strategically editing reality.
You’ve almost bought the company, written the book, moved to Paris, or done a lot of things.
The challenge is that authenticity is incredibly attractive, while exaggeration eventually becomes obvious.
Most people aren’t looking for perfection. They’re looking for honesty.
The fastest way to build trust is to stop trying so hard to impress people.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Picky Dater
You have a checklist so detailed it deserves its own spreadsheet.
Your ideal partner must be a certain age, height, income level, education level, religion, personality type, fitness level, and political affiliation. They should live within a specific radius, share your hobbies, understand your humor, and somehow possess zero flaws.
Every date becomes an evaluation.
The problem is that nobody can compete with a fantasy.
Many Picky Daters believe they’re protecting themselves from making mistakes. In reality, they may be protecting themselves from vulnerability.
This often contributes to unrealistic or real-world dating expectations in Los Angeles.
Standards are important. Perfection is not.
Dating In Los Angeles: The LA Special Gold Digger Dater
Los Angeles has always attracted dreamers.
Unfortunately, it also attracts opportunists.
The Gold Digger isn’t looking for a partner. They’re looking for an upgrade.
Sometimes it’s obvious. Sometimes it’s incredibly subtle.
Conversations seem to revolve around status, luxury, income, networking opportunities, or what someone can provide rather than who they are.
And despite the stereotype, this isn’t limited to women. I’ve seen plenty of men searching for financial security, lifestyle advantages, or social connections through dating as well.
The strongest relationships are built on mutual respect and shared values, not transactions.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Lazy Dater
You want love.
You just don’t want to do much to find it.
The Lazy Dater rarely takes initiative. They don’t plan thoughtful dates. They don’t put effort into meeting new people. They often stick to the same routines, same social circles, and same predictable habits.
When dating opportunities don’t magically appear, they become frustrated.
The irony is that many Lazy Daters are actually wonderful people. They’re simply waiting for love to find them instead of actively participating in the process.
Relationships require effort. So does finding one.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Martyr
You spend your life taking care of everyone except yourself.
Your children, friends, family, and coworkers need you.
Everyone needs you.
The Martyr is often one of the most generous people you’ll ever meet. Unfortunately, they frequently use responsibility as a reason to postpone their own happiness.
Years pass. Life gets busy. Dating stays at the bottom of the list.
The truth is that building a relationship isn’t selfish. Your needs matter too.
Sometimes, the hardest person to prioritize is yourself.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Buddy
Everyone loves you.
Nobody dates you.
You’re dependable, supportive, kind, and easy to talk to. People call you when they need advice. They trust you. They feel comfortable around you.
But somehow you keep hearing:
“You’re such a great friend.”
The Buddy often struggles to create romantic energy. They show up as a confidant, caretaker, or teammate rather than a potential romantic partner.
This doesn’t mean you need to become someone you’re not. It simply means allowing more flirtation, confidence, and attraction into the equation.
Great relationships often begin with friendship, but they can’t survive on friendship alone.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Narcissistic Dater
You are charming.
Very charming.
In fact, you’re usually one of the most magnetic people in the room.
The challenge is that everything eventually circles back to you.
Your accomplishments, experiences, opinions, needs, and stories.
At first, people are impressed. Over time, they begin to notice there’s very little room left for anyone else.
The Narcissistic Dater often craves admiration but struggles with genuine emotional connection.
The strongest relationships aren’t built on being admired. They’re built on being understood and understanding someone else in return.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Talk-Too-Much-Dater
Unlike the Talker, who simply dominates conversations, the Talk-Too-Much-Dater talks because they’re nervous.
Silence feels uncomfortable.
So you fill every pause.
You answer questions before they’re fully asked. You jump between topics. You interrupt without meaning to. The moment a quiet pause appears, you rush in to rescue it.
Meanwhile, your date is searching for an opportunity to participate.
Most people in this category are actually thoughtful and well-intentioned. They’re simply anxious and unaware of how much space they’re occupying.
One of the most attractive dating skills is surprisingly simple:
Listening.
Sometimes the most memorable thing you can say is nothing at all.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Overachiever
You’ve mastered almost every area of your life except one.
Your career is thriving. Your finances are organized. Your goals are color-coded and scheduled six months in advance. People describe you as driven, disciplined, and successful.
The problem is that you approach dating the same way you approach work.
You try to optimize it.
You analyze every interaction, overthink every text message, and treat relationships like another project to manage.
Many Overachievers spent years focusing on education, career growth, or taking care of others. Dating became something they would “get around to” later.
The irony is that relationships rarely respond to control the way business goals do. Sometimes the best connections happen when you stop trying to manage every outcome and simply allow yourself to be present.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Sleep-With-Dates-Too-Soon-and-Often Dater
You crave connection, but sometimes you confuse intimacy with attachment.
You meet someone, feel chemistry, and quickly become emotionally invested. Physical intimacy often happens before you’ve had enough time to determine whether the relationship has real potential.
When things don’t work out, you’re left wondering why you keep finding yourself in the same situation.
For some people, this pattern comes from loneliness. For others, it’s a desire to feel wanted, valued, or connected.
There’s nothing wrong with physical attraction. The challenge comes when intimacy consistently moves faster than emotional compatibility.
The strongest relationships tend to develop when both emotional and physical connections have room to grow together.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Can-Look-Good-With-Makeup Dater
You are a classic diamond in the rough.
You have natural beauty, good qualities, and plenty to offer, but you’ve never invested much time into presenting yourself.
Your wardrobe is practical. Your hair is usually pulled back. You’d rather be comfortable than fashionable.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
The challenge is that first impressions matter. Whether we like it or not, dating often begins with visual attraction.
I’ve worked with many singles who made a few small adjustments to their appearance and immediately noticed a difference in confidence and dating success.
You don’t need to become someone you’re not. Sometimes a little polish simply helps people notice what’s already there.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Player
You love the chase.
Meeting new people excites you. Flirting comes naturally. You enjoy the attention, the excitement, and the possibility that comes with every new connection.
The problem is that the thrill often disappears once things become serious.
The Player tends to keep one eye on the current relationship and another on what might be available next.
Commitment can feel restrictive because you’re constantly wondering if there’s something better around the corner.
Many Players aren’t intentionally trying to hurt people. Often, they’re avoiding vulnerability more than they’re avoiding commitment.
At some point, every Player must decide whether they want excitement or a genuine connection. The two don’t always live in the same place.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Too-Busy-To-Date-Dater
You have a very convincing reason why now isn’t the right time.
Work is busy.
The kids need attention.
You’re traveling.
You’re renovating the house.
You’re launching a new project.
Life is full.
The Too-Busy-To-Date Dater often genuinely wants a relationship, but somehow never creates space for one.
The reality is that meaningful relationships require time, energy, and intention.
Most people don’t find love when they finally have spare time. They find it because they decide it’s important enough to prioritize.
If someone truly matters to you, you’ll usually find a way to make room for them.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Feel-Sorry-For-Me-Dater
Your life story tends to dominate the conversation.
Within the first thirty minutes, your date may learn about your difficult childhood, painful breakup, stressful job, financial problems, or family drama.
The Feel-Sorry-For-Me Dater often isn’t seeking sympathy intentionally. They’re simply carrying emotional weight and looking for someone who understands.
The challenge is that early dating is about building connection, not unloading every hardship you’ve ever experienced.
Vulnerability is important. Timing is important too.
A little mystery gives people a chance to discover your story naturally instead of receiving the entire autobiography over appetizers.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Shallow Dater
Looks are your primary filter.
You know exactly what physical type you’re attracted to, and very little outside of that category gets your attention.
The Shallow Dater often confuses attraction with compatibility.
The result is a repeating cycle of relationships that look great on paper, or on Instagram, but fail to provide the deeper connection they’re actually seeking.
Physical attraction absolutely matters.
The problem arises when appearance becomes the only thing that matters.
The healthiest relationships tend to combine attraction with shared values, emotional connection, and genuine compatibility.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Braggars
You want people to know you’ve made it.
Every conversation somehow includes your income, investments, accomplishments, luxury purchases, exclusive memberships, or professional success.
The Braggar often believes they’re demonstrating value.
What they’re usually demonstrating is insecurity.
Truly confident people rarely feel the need to convince others how successful they are.
Most people are impressed by humility far more than self-promotion.
Your accomplishments should speak for themselves.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Shy Dater
You are probably much more interesting than people realize.
The challenge is getting them to see it.
The Shy Dater struggles to start conversations, maintain momentum, and feel comfortable around new people. They often spend more time worrying about saying the wrong thing than focusing on the conversation itself.
As a result, dates may assume you’re uninterested when you’re actually just nervous.
I’ve met countless shy singles over the years, and many of them turned out to be some of the most thoughtful, loyal, and relationship-oriented people I’ve ever worked with.
Confidence can be developed. Authenticity cannot.
The good news is that you already possess the harder one.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Slob
You don’t pay much attention to details.
Your car is messy.
Your apartment needs cleaning.
Your clothes may not fit properly.
Your grooming routine could use some attention.
The Slob isn’t necessarily lazy. Often, they’re simply unaware of how much these small things affect first impressions.
The truth is that people notice details.
A polished appearance doesn’t require designer clothes or perfection. It simply communicates self-respect and consideration.
A little effort goes a surprisingly long way.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Sports-Aholic Dater
You love sports.
Actually, that’s an understatement.
Sports aren’t a hobby. They’re a lifestyle.
Your weekends revolve around game schedules. Your evenings revolve around highlights. Your conversations revolve around statistics, trades, fantasy leagues, and playoff predictions.
At first, your passion can be attractive.
The challenge comes when sports consume so much attention that relationships become secondary.
The same thing can happen with video games, hobbies, or any activity that dominates your free time.
Healthy relationships don’t require giving up your interests. They simply require making room for another person alongside them.
A championship season is exciting.
Having someone to celebrate it with is even better.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Tough Gal
The Tough Gal often presents herself as someone who doesn’t need anyone. She’s independent, outspoken, and confident, which can be incredibly attractive. However, she sometimes takes self-reliance so far that she unintentionally pushes people away.
She may have built emotional walls after past disappointments or simply become accustomed to handling everything on her own. On dates, she can come across as guarded, dismissive, or overly skeptical, even when she’s genuinely interested.
The challenge isn’t her strength. The challenge is allowing someone to see the softer side behind that strength.
If this sounds familiar, remember that vulnerability isn’t weakness. The right relationship allows both people to feel supported, appreciated, and understood.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Need To Lighten Up Dater
The Need To Lighten Up Dater approaches dating like a job interview.
Everything feels serious. Every conversation feels evaluated. Every interaction feels like a test.
While being intentional is important, dating should also be enjoyable. When someone is overly focused on saying the right thing, making the perfect impression, or determining compatibility within the first ten minutes, it can create unnecessary pressure for both people.
These daters are often successful professionals who are accustomed to operating in highly structured environments. Unfortunately, relationships rarely develop according to a spreadsheet.
If you’re this dater, try allowing yourself to be present. Curiosity often creates better connections than perfection.
Dating In Los Angeles: The Positive “Dream Come True For A Matchmaker” Dater
Every matchmaker has a favorite type of client, and this is it.
The Positive Dater approaches dating with an open mind, realistic expectations, and a willingness to learn. They understand that not every date will lead to a relationship, but they also recognize that every interaction offers an opportunity to learn something about themselves and others.
They are kind, optimistic, coachable, and emotionally resilient.
Even when a date doesn’t lead to a second meeting, they remain respectful and appreciative of the experience.
Positive Daters tend to create the best outcomes because they bring good energy into the process. They don’t expect perfection. They simply stay open to possibilities.
In my experience, these are often the people who find meaningful relationships the fastest because they’re focused on connection rather than control.
So What Kind of Dater Are You?
By now, you’ve probably recognized yourself in at least one of these categories. Most people aren’t just one type of dater. In reality, we’re usually a mix of several depending on where we are in life, what we’ve experienced, and how we’re approaching relationships at the moment.
This article was written with a sense of humor, but there is also a serious message underneath it. The habits, attitudes, and patterns we bring into dating often shape the results we experience.
The good news is that dating styles aren’t permanent.
I’ve seen Angry Daters become Positive Daters. I’ve seen Shy Daters become confident communicators. I’ve seen Busy Professionals make room for love and ultimately find the relationship they were looking for.
The first step is simply becoming aware of the patterns that may be helping or hurting your dating life.
Did I miss a dating type you’ve encountered while dating in Los Angeles?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to reach out and share your experiences.
A Different Way to Approach Dating
At Two Asian Matchmakers, I work with successful professionals who are serious about finding a meaningful relationship. If you’re tired of dating apps, endless swiping, and meeting people who aren’t aligned with your goals, a more personalized approach may be worth exploring.
Whether you’re looking to meet exceptional Asian women, receive expert guidance, or simply learn more about how matchmaking works, I’d be happy to have a conversation.